Straws

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I’m burning, doctor. This is a bonfire. I have seen every craft of death man has devised. I’ve seen everyone with zombified eyes. I have seen with these very eyes the soul sucked out of mankind. Great global machinations of abuse; a web of prejudice, contextualised oppression, willing infringement, authorised malpractice, inequality across the board, inequity in the statute books. I saw a child pull the wings off a fly.

I’m a broken reed. A smoking flax. I’m the cracked pipe, the stopped bottle, the last word the dying don’t say. I’m a poisoned well. I’m saltwater. I’m the mold that grows on stale bread. A locust, maggot, snake. I’m a dripping faucet, tarnished mirror, leaking cup. I’m the supporting beam with a hairline fracture. I’m the hole in the sole of your shoe. I’m the worm that first eats the eyes of the dead, then the tongue. I’m a locked door. I’m the sun when it’s eclipsed. 

I’m the phone-line cut. I’m the window you forgot to close. I’m the door that won’t shut. I’m the mobile you left uncharged. I’m the shard that let the air out of your tires. I’m dusk come too soon and morning come too slow. I’m the thing that moves in the corner of your eye. When you’re praying to God, I’m the silence that answers. If you feel scared, I’m your racing heart. I’m the finger that trembles as it tightens on the trigger. I’m the hand that shakes. I’m the shot you missed. 

I am a solitary howl behind the hills. 

I am sick. I am contagion. I'm the day you were born.

Your anger is my gift. I’m the other man in the ring. I brought the gun to the knife-fight, the blade to the crowded room, the fire into the forest. I bring poison to the party, the ghost to the feast. I’m the one who first told you no and the one who gave in to your desires. I’m the one who taught you hope. It was I who imagined paradise. I invented the plough and the combustion engine. I made the spinning wheel and the factory. I planted the first seed, baked the first bread. I’m the first man to lie. I’m the man who takes the vow on a book of lies. I’m the one who first sharpened stone. I made me a bridle and a whip. I was Abel. I was Esau. I was Lot’s wife. I was Hagar and I was Sarah. I was the one who counted Judas’s thirty pieces. I was the water that washed Pilate’s hands. I am the low-hanging fruit that caught Eve’s eye. I polished the golden calf. I gave Gabriel a flaming sword. I took the sight from Saul. I’m Lucifer’s first rebellious thought. I speak when The Name is said in vain. I am the skulls on Golgatha. I am the mountain of Megiddo. 

I’m the first futile dream, the first suicide, the first plan that didn’t work out. I’m God’s decision to make man.

But this, doctor… This is just the last straw. Now you’ll find me in love.

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